Grand Canyon - North Rim

Finding a cure for cancer, finding peace in the Middle East, finding something that will get Kool-aid stains out of a formica countertop, these things pale in comparison to finding someone who will help with, not one but two, flat tires on the Sunday before Memorial Day.

I know what you're thinking, WTH how does a thing like that even happen?  Well, let's start at the very beginning.  Birder, bird watcher, birder, bird watcher.  Like the song says, "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just isn't the same."  Now you're really confused.  What does that have to do with anything.

Well, I'll tell you.  Fred is a birder.  A bird watcher is content to watch the occasional cardinal or blue jay land on their feeder full of cheap seed while they sip coffee from an overstuffed recliner in their air conditioned living room.  A birder will slither on his belly through mud in poison ivy covered undergrowth while getting his legs nibbled by chiggers and leeches on the very small chance that he may catch a fleeting glimpse of some rare nondescript brown sparrow.

And so, after dropping off the Bambi at a campsite, we cruised up the long road to the North Rim Visitor Center.  That's when Fred spotted, no not a nondescript small sparrow, but six very large black birds........with big white numbers attached to their wings.  Oh. My. God. Condors!  Endangered California Condors, six of them in one tree.  Screeeeeech, middle of road uturn, pull slightly off the road and then blam! blam! Uh, Oh, what was that.

For the briefest of moments, we thought it might just be one flat tire which would be a pain to change but we had a spare so totally doable.  Nope, two tires both flat to the rim.  Hmmm, what to do.  Well, first obviously take lots of pictures of the condors because duh, six endangered condors.  But then, yeah we need to figure out what to do.

Such bad ass birds!

We considered several options:
1.  Call AAA - great idea but, guess what, no cell service
2.  Wait for a ranger to come by and drive us to a place where we could call AAA
3.  Ride our bikes to the visitor center
4.  Count on the kindness of total strangers

A ranger never showed up, the visitor center was 30 miles away and that whole kindness thing turned out to be somewhat unreliable.  A guy stopped within 20 minutes got out with binoculars because he had seen the condors as well, but when Fred approached him, I kid you not, he got in his car and drove away.  Thanks, dude.   We were about to consider the bike option when a family with two kids stopped and offered Fred a ride to the only gas station in the area.  The wife stayed with me while her husband took Fred away and told me that they were just trying to pay it forward because the day before their car had broken down and a stranger not only helped get it towed but, get this, gave them a car to drive around.

So, Fred gets back with the local 17 year old from the lone gas station and he takes one look at the tires and is like "Nope, can't fix that".  But, he does offer to take us back to our campsite and so we unload everything of value from the truck and I cram into the back of the kid's car with empty pizza and donut boxes and off we go.

Back at the camp, AAA connects Fred to someone who then forwards him to another guy who owns a garage who then calls his tow truck driver who says he's working an accident a couple miles from where our truck is and he will swing by the local gas station and pick Fred up.  Fred has to walk a mile to the gas station, but the guy does show up and off they go.  While Fred is spending quality time with the tow truck driver who breaks his tire tool btw, I am so nervous I can barely avoid spilling my wine as I chill out in the Bambi anxiously awaiting what I assume is going to be word of their inability to locate the proper sized tires, or a huge towing charge since the garage is 40 miles away.

I had resigned myself to just hanging out at the campsite for a couple days without a vehicle when, lo and behold the clouds part and the guy has some tires that work and what the heck he'll just waive the towing fee.  Say, what?  Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus.

Wanna see what caused all this drama?

This is either a broken metal traffic post or the condors have figured out their next meal by stranding unsuspecting humans in the middle of nowhere

But enough of this, let's try this Grand Canyon thing again.

Finally

You can see a sliver of the Colorado through the window

It's much greener and about a hundred times less crowded on the North Rim.  It's quieter and cooler and you can have lunch in peace while contemplating that whole window into the two billion year old geologic blink of an eye thing.

Since, unlike the Grand Canyon, we did not have eons of time we did just a few hikes.  One of which came with this ominous warning.

Now, Fred and I are experienced hikers and I have seen many signs warning of potential dangers along wilderness trails, bears, rattlesnakes, falling rocks, swift currents, boiling hot springs, etc.  But never have I been concerned about a grouse attack.  Pffffttt, how bad could it be?  What's it gonna do peck your eyes out?  Claw your face?  Chase you down the trail?

So, off we go making sure to stay in the pink and black flagged area and Dun, Dun, Dun........

 Run Away!!

Slowly we back away, she runs towards us and trys to peck our ankles, we back away faster, she follows pecking away, I run up the trail squealing, she chases after us.  She is very persistent and does not stop chasing us out of her territory until another hiker shows up coming the other way and she begins the whole pecking and chasing process with him while we stand on a hill laughing our asses off.

As we give up and go back the way we came we see a family pointing to the aggressive grouse sign with a smirk.  Don't mock the warnings my friends, a pissed off grouse is a scary thing to behold.

After a much needed lunch at the park hotel, we relaxed a bit on the terrace overlooking the canyon.  Then a quick walk around the rim and it was time to head back to the campsite and say goodbye to one of my favorite places on the planet.

Love my new Ahnu boots

Non-aggressive blue bird and western tanager

Prehistoric short-horned lizard, if you harass it it will shoot blood out of its eyes, but we aren't lizard harassers 

On the way back to the Bambi we took our time stopping to take pictures of the buffalo, which you will take pictures of even though you don't really care since you've seen hundreds of buffalo before because they are like waterfalls, you have to take pictures of them it's the law.

As we neared the area where we had our flat tires, sitting on both sides of the road were 16 California condors.  Unbelievable.  

The Grand Canyon marks the end of our tour of five national parks this trip.  One in Colorado, Mesa Verde, three in Utah, Capitol Reef, Bryce, and Zion, and the north rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona.  Unfortunately, none of these are new so we are gonna have to start figuring out how to get to the remaining 21 that we haven't visited.  

After our turn for home in Austin, we made a one night stop in Coconino National Forest which was really pretty but smokey due to nearby forest fires.

I normally consider the squirrels at home to just be rats in cuter outfits but these Abert's squirrels have the most adorable tufted ears.

The next morning we squeezed the Bambi into the narrow driveway of a home away we rented for two nights with these two crazy fun people.

Then spent those two days eating and drinking our way through an amazing selection of Sonoran cuisine.  Ginger margaritas and spicy elote anyone?  

We did manage to hike what is often considered one of the prettiest trails in the U.S., the West Fork.  I don't know who makes these lists.  I mean no one asked me so you'll have to hike it and decide for yourself.

Okay, yes it is pretty

Caught this shot of a very embarrassed titmouse

Sure it's all fun and games at 8:00 a.m. but coming back the temperature reached 100 degrees and there was no shade on the last bit of trail and one of us never drinks water and might have gotten a little light headed.

We don't normally count the drive home as part of our vacation because usually it's nothing more than Fred haulin' ass to get us back to Austin.  But this time there was a little adventure.  After a way too large breakfast in Sedona we started the drive with the expectation that we would end for the night in El Paso.  We arrived about 5:30 p.m. but Fred was in the zone so he figured we could easily drive a couple more hours to Balmorhea State Park, one of our favorite places to stop for the night.  So, with that as our goal we drove right past all the RV parks in El Paso and right into a mess.   An endless stream of red tail lights on the out skirts of town due to highway construction.  Dead stop for 45 minutes, no movement at all.  People began illegally jumping the median to get on the feeder and then began getting off the feeder and driving on the side of the road in the soft sand.....and getting stuck in it.  Total chaotic mess and meanwhile the sun is setting.

By the time we took the exit for Balmorhea, it was pitch dark 10:00, almost hit two deer and an owl to get there and guess what?  Yep, no vacancy at the park.  This has never happened here but we should have known given the fact that we visited five national parks, three state parks and called several RV parks all of which had no vacancies this trip.  By this time, Fred is dog tired and getting bleary eyed so we figured we would just have to make the best of it and spend the night at a rest area.  The closest was 20 miles away, not too bad we can make that, except guess what happened when we got there?  Yep, not one single spot even at the damn rest area.  Filled with semis and overnighters.  Aaaarrgggh!  Now what?

The closest town was Fort Stockton another 20 miles away where, according to Siri, there were some RV parks but who knew if they were full already, obviously there aren't a lot of choices out in west Texas and I didn't want to drive to every one of them in the hope of finding a spot. I plugged one in and hoped for the best but as we exited off the freeway we saw a glowing, beacon of hope writ large against the night sky.  Walmart.  Yep, spent the night in the parking lot, did not get murdered in my sleep and was plenty grateful that they offer this as a last resort option.

Got up at dawn, hauled buns home.  Next day, dead truck battery.  Good thing we have AAA on speed dial.

Summary:
Miles Driven:  4,500
Highest gas price:  $2.30/gal
Best Part - Slot Canyons and Endangered Condors
Worst Part - Duh, two flat tires at the Grand Canyon 

Zion National Park

Hey lady, you know you can just get on a shuttle right?  

It's true, you can efficiently be whisked from one end of Zion to the other on a quiet, natural gas powered shuttle and take in all the majesty of nature, the wildflowers, the waterfalls, the birds and bees, the flowing rivers, behind a closed window that protects you from well....nature.  Because we all know that actually communing with the outdoors might involve heat or cold or bugs or scratching or some other equally terrible malady.  But here's the thing, that bus is crowded with kids who will complain loudly about not being outside of the bus, exasperated parents, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses who just need a beer and a break from all this damn fun with the family.  All of which can make for a less than ideal nature outing.

Back to the beginning though, this is what will likely be your first sight at Zion.  I have chosen to interpret these dreaded words as "Welcome, we're glad you're here".

Actually, that is not the first thing.  This is the first thing:

Long lines of slow-moving tail lights leading into the entrance.  You can avoid this mess if you just listen to me.  Take a bike.  I know, I know it involves actual peddling and maybe a bug or two and possibly even sweating but you can do this.  I know because my bicycle skills are limited to riding around the block in my neighborhood and I managed to bike from one end of Zion to the other with minimal effort and only a minor amount of sweating.

If you bike, you get to avoid all the congestion and you will be rewarded with peace and quiet and burbling waters.  You can hear the birds sing, feel the wind in your hair, it's like your own personal Irish Spring commercial.

I love Zion and I absolutely love this bike ride.  If you get tired, you can just plunk your bicycle on the front of the shuttle and they will haul your lazy butt back to whence you came but because Fred and I are "real" cyclists we just hauled our lazy butts to the ice cream stop midway at the Zion Lodge and took a little break on the way back down the valley.

We rode the length of the valley in Zion and stopped along the way to take some short hikes, admire the scenery and snap some birdy pics like that western tanager and watch some crazy people climb the side of a sheer cliff wall.  The last stop for the shuttle is the Narrows where you walk along a paved trail down to the river and are rewarded with this:

Hordes of tourists all trying to talk themselves into crossing that shallow, very cold portion of the river to get to the other side where supposedly a narrow canyon awaits.  I say supposedly because we did not do the hike because a) all those people were kinda getting in the way of me communing with nature, and b) just as I took my boots and socks off it started to rain.  Rain and canyons, no gracias.  Sure enough as we started back up the trail it really started to pour so I was glad about not being stuck on the other side waving at Fred to wait for the river to subside before abandoning me for ice cream.

We spent the whole day doing our biking thing and we did not want to go back into this section of the park the next day because of the crowds and we were here once before 8 years ago and have done all the more popular hikes including Angel's Landing, but if you have never done that you should put that at the top of the list.  

Instead, we opted to drive to the non-Disneyland section of the park called Kolob Canyon.  It's a bit like a park within a park.  Most tourists can't be bothered to make the short drive out here and the big bang for your buck is really the main section of the park but if you have the time or if you need a break from the crowds, this is the place to go.

We only had the day here and we're old now otherwise it would have been nice to backpack this area. Instead we hiked a 5 mile trail to the double arch.

We took the Taylor Creek trail, which is an easy trail with lots of shallow water crossings, and at the end of the maintained trail you arrive at this double arch.  It's not really an arch but more like two large, recessed alcoves but you say tomato, I say well, tomato but that's beside the point.  

That's the second "arch" above.  It's kinda like a double rainbow but different.

This is a popular place to sit and eat lunch and, if crowded, can get noisy because of the echoes but we waited till things got really quiet and you could hear the water dripping down from above onto the canyon floor.  Ahhh, nice place to enjoy a granola bar and as much water as you can carry.

On the way back down the trail we kept hearing this very load "crrreeaaakkk" which we knew was a frog or toad but we could never pin down the location.  We eventually ran into a ranger who said they were canyon tree frogs but to look for them on the rocks because they are never in trees.  Which makes total sense.

Sure enough.  Tree frogs, you can tell because they're not in the trees.

As you've inevitably discerned by now, I have a particular fondness for Zion.  Maybe it's the immutable, yet ever changing red cliffs, maybe it's the melody of waters soothing the desert-parched sands, maybe it's the rapidly disappearing pinot noir as I type.  Regardless, I'll be back in the years to come but maybe I'll just go ahead and book my campground reservations now.

Bryce and the Slot Canyons

We typically follow a ten step program for all the National Parks and Bryce Canyon was no exception.

1.  Wake up at the crack, chug coffee (we travel with a Nespresso, we're not animals)

2.  Quick stop at the visitor center for swag bag of free park info, maps, and trail guides

3.  Drive to all the tourist overlooks, always named something like Inspiration Loop, Canyon Overlook, Sunset Point or some part of the Devil's anatomy or household, i.e. backbone, fork, bathtub etc.  I especially like these stops because they involve very short hikes and I get to tick them off the trail guide list so it looks like we did lots more hiking than we actually did.  For example, we did six hikes at Capitol Reef, total mileage about 4 miles.

4.  Eat all the snacks we brought before lunch

5.  Eat lunch

6.  Drive to more scenic overlooks, complain about lack of snacks

7.  Watch Fred cook dinner in the dutch oven while I have a nice Pinot Noir, offer helpful but ignored cooking advice

8.  Watch a couple episodes of whatever we're binging on

9.   Pass out

10.  Rinse and repeat

Aforementioned tourist overlook but whoa what an overlook

Ebenezer Bryce, the Canyon's namesake was once asked to describe the majesty of this place.  His response, "It's a helluva place to lose a cow".  Well said, Eb.

There is a trail that goes down to the bottom so, of course, we took it.

It's all fun and games till you have to hike back up it

A fun thing to do here is to ask the kids what they see in the hoodoo rock formations, kinda like with clouds.

For example, the little girl next to me said she saw a pig and a horsey here, whatever.  Obviously, it's Lyndon Baines Johnson discussing geopolitical strategy with a great-horned owl.

 

Time Portal

Learning stuff from the ranger here, like the fact that Bryce Canyon is not really a canyon because canyons are carved by rivers and there isn't one here.  Bryce is a eroding, retreating plateaued margin but they probably wouldn't sell nearly as many tee-shirts with that.

If you don't do any long hikes at Bryce, you can easily do it in a day.  We drove to every overlook and took about 500 photos of the hoodoos but at the end of the day and bottom of the Cheez-it box we saw this storm approach.

Yep, sleet.  We have not had a single day of vacation without rain, snow, sleet, hail, wind gusts or all of the above

So we left and went back to the campsite for a nice glass of pinot

Slot Canyons

Playing the slots has a different meaning in Utah than in Las Vegas.  When Fred casually mentioned that he wanted to hike some slot canyons I wasn't completely on board but keep in mind that my spirit animal is a chicken.  Also, my working knowledge of slot canyons consists of a) they are cool places for eerie photographs, and b) people die in them from flash floods on a regular basis.

So we stopped at the visitor center near our campsite and got some maps to the closest ones and the guy was like yeah, it's probably ok to hike them except for Zebra canyon which is shoulder deep in water right now.  The weather forecast is generally ok so it's probably, kinda not gonna be too hard to get out there but just remember if you get stuck it's a $1,000 towing fee to get you out.  Thanks.

So we did it and it was completely one of the coolest things ever and now I'm kinda hooked. 

These slot canyons are in the middle of BFE and here is proof

There were 3 canyons, Peek-a-Boo, Spooky and Dry Fork.  I bailed on climbing into Peek-a-Boo because you had to climb up a 12 ft entrance with slippery toe holes and then wade through icy, knee-deep water.  I'm way too much of a delicate flower for that so I stayed below and flirted with some French dude who also chickened out.

Fred the gecko climbing up and the view looking through Peek-a-Boo

He got plenty of shots but even he decided not to go through the whole thing because he came to a very narrow tunnel towards the end and opted to back track out the way he came in.

Once back down on solid ground, we walked along the dry wash to the entrance to the aptly named Spooky Canyon.

At certain points, it's only ten inches wide and you have to scooch your butt down and bend your knees and slot yourself in sideways.  It's totally doable but if you got nervous during the trash compactor scene in the original Star Wars movie, this is not for you.

Totally spooky and we had the whole place to ourselves which is good because if you meet someone coming the other way it's like two cars trying to cross a single lane bridge.  Someone's gotta back up.

The last canyon we did was called the Dry Fork Narrows and it was the least slotty of the slots.  More like a wide pathway with high canyon walls, still impressive but not nearly as squishy.

I'm pooped

I'm glad we did the slot canyons and I would love to do some other ones but I'm not crazy, if there had been a drop of rain forecast for the state of Utah Fred would never have convinced me it was a good idea.  If you wanna see what a little bit of rain funneled through a slot canyon looks like just use the search terms "slot flash flood" on youtube.