Long-ass Road : The Maasai and the Serengeti

The Maasai and the Serengeti

The Maasai

And now for something completely different.....the Maasai. The Maasai are badass. As you cross the border from Kenya into Tanzania you begin to see the Maasai herding their cows and goats in their rich red or bright blue kikoys. There are stunningly beautiful National Georgraphic cover potential shots every where you look. You slowly bring your camera up to your face for a photo and then you get the look. The look that says if you want to know if there is life after death, go ahead and take that photo.

Let's just say that they prefer not having their photograph taken without permission is an understatement. If you do take it without asking first, they will likely throw rocks at you and/or your vehicle or gesture in a way that lets you know in no uncertain terms they no likey white man with camera.

See, it is illegal to photograph a Maasai, his goats, his cows, his land, his children, his wives and presumably any area that he may conceivably wander into without his permission. And that is the kicker, getting their permission is really easy. Just ask. First they will say sure Bwana go ahead snap away, all smiley and you think you have made your first cross-cultural connection and will next be given a ceremonial spear or at least a bright red blanket as a gesture to their new found friend. Yeah, no.

After you capture their souls on film, they want dollars. Like, $40. What the hell? $40. It's awkward, all of a sudden the smiles disappear and things get serious. "You take my picture, give me money!" Ok, but not $40, I mean 'cmon, how about $5. "NO, no less than $25!" Well, my bus is leaving and I only have $5 on me so how about $5? "Ok, $5 but now you buy beaded bracelet for $40, yes?"

All along the way to the Ngorongoro crater I was itching to take their picture and I did sneak some long distance shots and some shots of them walking away but I wanted full frontal Maasai. So, when we made a potty stop at the crater Fred exited and was immediately accosted by a group of very friendly tribesmen who were ever so eager to have their photos taken.

All smiles, friendly, kinda like the Harlem Globetrotters wrapped in blankies.

Once it's obvious the $40 won't be materializing they make the subtle shift to the more serious business of bracelet marketing.

As Fred walked backed to our van, one of the other members of our group exited the bathroom and was immediately surrounded by the same group. "Picture, sure go ahead". This scenario was repeated every time we stopped to pee, get gas, have a picnic, do a little birding, or slowed down for a pothole.

So, arrangements were made for a visit to a real Masaai village. The real deal, not a Disney tourist version. They live here in manyattas, mud and dung huts, surrounded by acacia thorn bushes to keep the lions out and, for a small price, probably $40, we were allowed to visit, ask them anything and take as many photos as we wanted. In return, they get a donation and the opportunity to sell you authentic Maasai beaded bracelets......for $40 apiece.

That's the entrance and I can personally attest to the effectiveness of acacia thorns as a deterrent.

The men welcome you by singing a song that most likely celebrates cows.......and possibly tourist dollars.

The women do not mix with the men and they also sing a song, possibly celebrating this fact.

Then, after the singing of songs, comes the jumping.

All the men jump. From a standing position, they jump really high. Apparently, the higher a man can jump, the more attractive he is to perspective females. It's like jumping for joy, if Joy is a pubescent female from the local tribe.

There is lots of singing and jumping and then one of the men takes you into his hut.

The huts are all built by the women of acacia, mud and cow dung which cures into something resembling slightly musty concrete.

I don't have photos inside the hut because it was really dark in there and there was a small fire burning which made it smokey. Milya, our Maasai tribesman was very forthcoming when I asked him if he had more than one wife. Why yes, he said, I have three. He looked at Fred and then at me. Fred explained that he only had one wife. And how many children, he asked. Um, that would be none. That's when I really wish I could have snapped a photo of his face. I'm no anthropologist but I think the expression was the cultural equivalent of "Dude, you better get busy pronto".

Then it was time to visit the school which looked a bit like a cage for children.

Cutest kids ever, but my favorite was the little girl in the back row on the far left. She kept working on her lessons the whole time we were there and she was very serious about it. All the other kids were singing, laughing and cutting up.

Or maybe she was just doodling, but she was very intent.

Let's see if a beaded bracelet costs $1 to make and you charge the unsuspecting tourist $40

Milya took his blanket off and let me wear it so I think I'm now wife nunber four. Also, do you see any showers in the village? Yeah, I returned his blanket in short order.

Skip, skip, skip to my loo

Oh my God, these tourists reek

The women also wear these cool beaded lamp shades on their head and beaded satelite dishes around their neck.

See that beaded round neck thingee? I bought the hell outta that. Also, I bought a bracelet that Milya was wearing on his wrist which he placed on my wrist thus sealing our union.

The Maasai eat meat almost exclusively mostly goat and beef, and blood and milk mixed together to make a pudding, but never chicken. Apparently, a chicken is a filthly animal because it walks around in it's own poop and eating one is completely disgusting to them.

The Serengeti

As you head west toward the Serengeti, you pass Olduvai Gorge where we made a brief stop to listen to a talk about the Leakey's discovery of early man, tour a small museum and possibly purchase additional Maasai beaded items. All very interesting but all of could think about was those Far Side cartoons with the cave men.

Then the trees begin to diminish as you approach the edge of the vast Serengeti plain.

Nature, brought to you by the Fred C. and Sonia L. Dalbey Foundation

Our destination was Seronera Lodge where we stayed for three days.

Do you know what that is on top of the roof? That is this:

A Hyrax

At first you think, OMG, they are like the Arnold Schwarzenegger of gerbils. Performance enchancing drug using gerbils on steroids. So darn cute. I saw the first one on the roof, then I saw a couple of them climbing on the plants in the lobby.

Then I saw about ten of them laying on the rocks outside our room.

Then about 15 of them outside the restaurant window.

Like tribbles these things. So, so cute until it came time to sleep in our bed that night. 'Cause you know what lots and lots of hyrax make, lots and lots of hyrax pee and hyrax poop. It permeated the wooden ceiling and stunk to high heaven because there were about 30 of them hanging out on the roof above our bed. I spent alot of time going eewww, stinkaroo but them I got distracted by these guys:

Vervet monkeys

They lined the railing outside our room in the hope that someone might leave the door cracked open just a little. Given half a chance they will ransack your room and run off with anything edible. Their normal diet is fruit and seeds and also, apparently, dry roasted organic almonds from Whole Foods.

Meanwhile back on the Serengeti:

We did not take a balloon ride, it costs $500 and we did not have time. But how spectacular, there's always next time.

ZZZZZZZZ

Caracal

By far, one of the exciting things we saw was a cheetah stalking some baby gazelles. We watched it crouched and waiting for half an hour. Then it began inching closer and closer in the tall grass. All the women were like nooooo, all the men were like yes, yes get, get it. Then it was like, 3, 2, 1 blastoff, slinghsot out of a canon speed.

Let's just say Mr. Cheetah went to bed without supper and the babies lived to frolic another day. Mr. Cheethal failed to notice the one gazelle off to the side that started stamping it's feet right before his launch.

Borrrn freeee, well as free as you can be in a National Park surrounded by tourists

One, two ok a bazillion migrating wildebeests

Shiny stepping stones? Nope, the backs of hungry, hungry hippos

After age 50, that is not a look you want to see from a vulture

Hurry up and change that tire, did you not see the previous photographs.

Sure, it looks like a vast empty plain. But, He who made kittens put snakes in the grass...also, lions, hyenas and cape buffalo.

Speaking of birds, here are some nice ones from the Serengeti: